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Jan. 3rd, 2021 04:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bestswordmaster
Kink Konnection
FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS | 24
Leave a message and I'll get it to Felix when I feel like it. Or just go talk to him yourself. What do I look like, your errand boy?
Love,
Zoltan
Love,
Zoltan
no subject
Date: 2022-05-08 05:08 am (UTC)[It's quiet, and meant to cover more than just the last thing she said. When he was younger, all he wanted was to follow in Glenn's footsteps and become a great knight, a protector, and stand by Dimitri's side just like Kyphon once stood by Loog's. It seemed meant to be, like they were born for it, and to some extent they were. And back then, Felix liked it that way.
Hearing her talk like this takes him back, a bit. To those first few months after the Tragedy, when Felix felt so alone. Glenn was dead, Rodrigue had gone to Fhirdiad to take care of Dimitri, whom Felix hadn't seen since before Duscur. Ingrid had shut herself away and wouldn't respond to any of his letters. And Sylvain...well, Sylvain tried, but Felix's uncle insisted that now that he was the heir, he needed to focus on learning everything he could, not 'gallivanting about with the Gautier boy.' In the span of just a few weeks, his entire life had turned upside down and shattered, and he was left alone to cut his hands on the pieces as he tried to pick them up.
And then it happened again, just as he was beginning to adjust to the new normal. He was so excited to squire for Dimitri in their maiden battle. It was the first time he was able to spend so much time with his prince in so long. And as Ingrid had with Glenn, young Felix saw a future for himself with Dimitri - perhaps not in the same way, but staying with him regardless. Until they stepped onto the battlefield and his Dimitri vanished, eaten alive by the cackling monster wearing his face.]
I despise living with regrets, but...there are times when I regret having seen him here at all. We are who we are now; there's no going back. For years, we both lived in his shadow. Your father wanted you to accept a new betrothal as though such things are interchangeable, while you wanted to follow in Glenn's footsteps to honor his memory. Mine, and all of Faerghus, wanted me to be my brother and could never understand why I couldn't and didn't want to be.
...they've never let us step out of that shadow, and we ourselves never learned how to move on. This place...it feels like an opportunity to figure out who we are without him.
no subject
Date: 2022-05-08 03:00 pm (UTC)Small favors.
And now she was almost reliving it, just in a different way. Her heart torn out again. That future she might have had, well and truly gone because the person she thought she would have built it with had told her that it wasn't wanted, defying all expectations. It felt cruel - like the world and Glenn had dangled the idea of it in front of her one last time before yanking it back. ]
My father wanted to secure our future.
[ She sounded tired. ]
I understood why. I didn't like it, but I understood... and at least he let me reject them.
[ She felt the need to defend her absent father. He had been coping as best he could as well. She took a deep breath. ]
You're right. Kind of. The shadow is still there - was still there... but at the end of the war, I knew who I was and where I wanted to be. I still mourned, but I wasn't - I wasn't defined by him. This place... I can't agree with that. We were already becoming ourselves. We were.... moving on. Doing what we could. If anything, him being here throws that shadow even darker.
[ She frowned. ]
...and then reopens the wound all over again.