IC: @victory_road Pokégear inbox

[bestswordmaster]

Sylvain said I needed to record something to tell you to leave a message, even though if you're bothering to message me in the first place you already know what you're supposed to do, so this is pointless. So...leave a message, I guess. Maybe I'll get back to you. Maybe I won't.

[beep]

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[bestswordmaster]

[Unlike Dimitri, Felix tends to escape into sleep when he's in a dark state of mind, rather than having trouble sleeping. So he slept just fine after he hung up last night, and he's up early in the morning to take his team outside for an hour or two of training. ...he keeps his Gear with him, though, and it doesn't make a noise.

So he bathes and dresses in the new clothes that were waiting for him in the bag (not...awful, he thinks), and then he eats breakfast, and all the while the Gear is silent.

He's just starting to panic--maybe Sylvain decided not to call after all, maybe he's already halfway to Goldenrod, maybe--when the noise he's been waiting for comes. It happens while he's in the middle of taking his Pokemon back outside to train some more (it feels good to get back into this routine, even if it's sans sword), and he immediately drops the pokeball in his hand to answer it; Fellstar the Espurr comes out looking confused, but Felix ignores him for the moment. He tries his best to put on his usual stoic expression, even if his heart is beating a mile a minute.]

...hi.

[gautsome]

Hi.

[At first that's all Sylvain can manage. His throat is already closing up on him, and his breath comes quicker than ever. He pushes some still wet curls from his face, looking at Felix's face for a moment and then back down.

He'd done his best to come up with a plan of action, stayed up far too late and woke up too early. He'd gone over everything Felix had said the night before, twisted round the wisdom that Claude and Dimitri had imparted upon him. Nothing had come free.

Instead, he stares rather pensively back at Felix. He tries to force something -- anything to come out.]

I was really happy to see you at my door, Felix. And... maybe a little scared, too.

[Well that's... Something.]

[bestswordmaster]

[Okay, so Claude said to be ready to change tactics in the face of the unexpected, but this is... really unexpected. His eyes widen and, purely out of habit, his eyes slide away from Sylvain's on the screen.]

You could have fooled me.

[Wait, no. That's not what he meant to say. He shakes his head, grimacing.]

No, I--sorry. That's not...you just...took me by surprise. You know I hate that. I didn't know what to think, and then Riegan showed up with his stupid face, and I wasn't expecting that either and I just...

[This is pathetic. I need to stop blubbering like a schoolboy. Just spit it out. What did Claude say about pride? He takes a breath.]

I wanted to apologize. For what I did. I lashed out and it was childish and petty and I'm sorry.

[gautsome]

I know you do. But I was surprised too, and.

[He trails off. All that comes to mind are excuses, and that hardly seems fair to Felix. What he needs is the honest truth. The problem is that Sylvain hasn't quite figured out what that is. He can hardly hear what his heart or mind have to say over their simultaneous, frantic racing.]

You say that like I didn't do something equally as childish and petty. [He draws in a breath, then lets it out in the form of a sigh.] I'm sorry too. And for what it's worth, I forgive you.

At least we are even when it comes to kissing Claude?

[That probably isn't the honesty Felix needs right now but... it feels wrong not to offer it up all the same.]

[bestswordmaster]

I don't understand how you were surprised that I might knock on your door. My room is literally next door. ...ugh, that's not the point.

[The tension in his shoulders drains significantly to hear Sylvain say 'I forgive you.' His eyes shut briefly, just for a moment. Then, maybe surprisingly, Felix chuckles a little.]

That's what I told him when he tried to be all mysterious and irritating. He succeeded at irritating, at least.

...anyway, I...forgive you too, Sylvain. [Now what? There's an awkward silence, Felix still not looking directly at the screen, until suddenly he does.]

I want you to come back.

[gautsome]

[Sylvain had been dreading this request. It isn't like he doesn't want to return. It wouldn't even be that hard -- he's not far from town in the grand scheme of things. But he'd made a promise to Cassandra, and it felt wrong to not honor it.

Not that he knows how to explain that to Felix. Trying to convey that he intended to hold a woman's promise in higher regard than Felix's own request seems... unlikely to go well.

Unless -- ]

You could come with me? [But just as he lets himself imagine it, to fantasize about more quiet nights in the woods, he lets the illusion slip. It's not just about Felix, even if that's how it's felt the last few days. He has to stick by Dimitri.]

Look, I... told a friend that I would find her a gift. And I know how that is going to sound, but I promise you, it's not what you think.

I just wanted her to have something of her own. A reminder that she's her own person. I know how easy it is to not feel like one. So that was part of why I left -- to at least make good on one promise.

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix frowns, and then it slips into a mild scowl.] And you just had to sneak out in the middle of the night to travel weeks out of our way by yourself to do it? If Dimitri hadn't come after you, you'd have been out there alone! And last night he said--

[Felix looks away from the screen again.] That you needed time away from me. So...don't make offers you don't mean.

[A pause.] Besides, Dimitri's fighting his first battle today. I thought--I mean, we planned to watch together.

[gautsome]

I mean. It wasn't just for the promise. But it was a convenient reason to leave.

[Sylvain hangs his head. His chest twists itself into knots. Even trying his best, he was upsetting Felix. How was he expected to be honest, or even entertain any of the repercussions of said honesty.

Claude had said not to assume what Felix needed or deserved. But the idea of subjecting Felix to any of his own nonsense -- it seemed unfair.

But the alternative is weeks of silence and brewing resentment. He doubts that's any better than what Sylvain could give if he just tried.]

I got time away. I was able to calm down and think clearly. So if you wanted to come, the offer is open.

[Something tells him that Felix won't take it.]

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix wrestles with what to say. How could Claude have made this sound so easy? It's not easy, it's impossible. Why can't Sylvain just...understand?]

You don't have to go all the way there to find something. I thought we were planning to go there anyway, why does it have to be right now? [If you really wanted me around, you would come back and wait to go with the group.

He tries to think about what Claude would say. He'd say...find a new tactic, right? Sylvain won't stay (he's still not sure why) and Felix doesn't want to leave Dimitri (and thought Sylvain wouldn't want to either). But what if...]

We should...watch Dimitri's match first, and then leave. A few more hours won't matter. And then he can come with us. I told him I wasn't going to let him out of my sight and I haven't changed my mind.

[gautsome]

If we go the way everyone else is planning, we won't make it to Goldenrod in time for the holiday.

[It's another excuse. He could scour Violet until he found something suitable. He'd done it for his own coat, surely the same could be said for Cassandra. She wouldn't even want something as extravagant as Sylvain had.

So why not go back? Even as he glances in the vague direction of Violet, his stomach twists into knots. He glances back toward Felix, and the knots tighten all the more.

Stupid Claude. He hates that the idea is in his head. And he hates himself for thinking of Felix in this way, of imagining and re-imagining that moment in his doorway. Or every moment that they'd shared in the woods.]

Hey, Felix? [He doesn't realize that he's speaking until the words are tumbling out. Claude was going to kill him for this.] Don't you think that you deserve better than me?

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix freezes, now meeting Sylvain's gaze again to stare at him. It slowly shifts from a stare to a disbelieving glare; but there's something else in there too. Distress, maybe.]

What? Is that what this is all about? Sylvain, how can you be the smartest person I know and this stupid at the same time? Do you really think I'd have spent my whole life by your side if I didn't want to? Don't you dare accept what your disgusting father has said about you, I won't stand for it. You're my--

[His what? 'Best friend' doesn't seem...adequate.]

--I don't even know anymore, but if you think you can get rid of me, think again. We made a promise and I refuse to break it because you've let your family put these poisonous thoughts in your head. Someone has to remind you how wrong they are, and I don't trust anyone else to do it right.

[He huffs out a sharp breath and then seems to realize how much he's said, glancing aside again as his face reddens and clearing his throat.]

...of course I don't think that, don't be an idiot.

[gautsome]

[What Felix says should make him feel better. Leave it to Felix to punch through each of his carefully constructed walls. For someone that's meant to be the Shield of Faerghus, he's done a good job at leaving Sylvain entirely defenseless. He flinches at the mention of his father, his family, but it's all supposed to reassure him.

It doesn't, though. He hears what Felix has to say, but his mind comes back to one phrase. He twists it over, again and again. He had to have misunderstood, Felix wouldn't spurn him in one breath, only to remind him of the promise they'd made to one another. The man could be ruthless, but surely that was too far for him.

The camera lowers, just a little. Sylvain's gaze flickers off to the side, to the woods leading away from Violet.]

So. Are we not friends anymore, then?

[nastyboy]

[And that's around the time that Dimitri's hand enters the screen to gently envelope the side of Sylvain's head.]

[Gently. To gently start pushing him to the ground.]

Sylvain. Jose. Gautier.

He just spoke of how he was flustered at being approached by you for a kiss, and then explained how good you are, better than what your family speaks.

There is one other option your mind refuses to let you consider, an option besides friend, stranger, and enemy. You know what it is.

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix is back to staring at the screen, wondering how the hell Sylvain even came anywhere close to a conclusion like that. He sits there agape until he's startled by an arm reaching into the frame to ...very slowly push Sylvain over?

...is that Dimitri? Was he listening to all of that? Felix splutters, and if his face was getting red before, now it's practically a tomato.]

Sylvain! Why didn't you tell me he was there?

[Felix puts the Gear down for a minute, vanishing from the screen to bury his face in his hands and let out a muffled groan of mortified frustration into his gloves as the camera points at the sky. The Purrloin and the Espurr make sure that the other two have something to look at, though, as the second Felix puts it down they've taken his place on the screen with disapproving looks.

Then they can hear Felix shooing them out of the way before he picks the Gear back up again and looks into it, ears still red. He goes on like there was no interruption.]

And how are you possibly being denser than Dimitri right now?

[gautsome]

[Sorry, Sylvain can't come to the phone right now. Whether or not Dimitri is holding him against the ground doesn't matter -- Sylvain remains there. The dirt is pleasantly cold against his burning hot face. It makes sense, now that it's spelled out to him, but in the moment --

Sylvain always got so caught in the moment, rather than using his brain to actually think. It's what his friends always seemed to gripe about.

He hears Felix speaking, but part of him wants to just stay here on the ground. He isn't sure how long it takes for the forest floor to cover something normally, but maybe here in the Pokemon world, it's a quicker process.

He waits for a second. Then another. When he feels no lichen growing on his skin, he resolves himself to his fate. He sits up, brushing a stray leaf from his hair -- always with the leaves.]

If Dimitri was not here, I would not be here. [Right now, Dimitri is the one serving as Sylvain's wingman. It's a terrible twist of fate, really. He's surprised he hasn't told him to offer Felix a knife.

... Though, now that he thinks about it, this is probably the one situation where a knife might actually help.]

Like you said. I'm used to hearing poison -- and not just from my family. [He's heard it long enough, that the voice in his own head provides the running commentary now.

He lets out a breath, slow and steadying.]

Till we die together, right?

[nastyboy]

[When Sylvain seems to cool his head, Dimitri eases up as well, and quickly vanishes from out of view of the camera. But not before a quick-]

I apologize, Felix. But I... wanted to make sure you would talk.

[He'll just... scoot away now.]

[bestswordmaster]

[When Sylvain doesn't come back, Felix starts to feel cold all over. Was that the last straw? Is this it? Did he manage to chase Sylvain away despite his best efforts? He closes his eyes and waits for something to happen. Either Sylvain will return and say something, or...or the numbness that he's somewhat expunged from his heart recently will reassert itself in an instant.

When he does hear Sylvain's voice again, his eyes flutter open as he listens, motionless. Finally, his face relaxes into a smile as a gentle warmth spreads through him, chasing the cold away.]

...right. So...come back? Please. Just for Dimitri's match, and then...I'll go wherever you want.

[gautsome]

[Sylvain doesn't blush. That is absolutely outside of his charming persona. He is the one always in control, and always sweeping people off of their feet.

But Felix's smile? He has to make an exception for that. He doesn't really have a choice in the matter, when it comes down to it. His heart twists and flips within his chest, sending heat splashing over every inch of him. He has to look away for a split second, focusing eventually on Dimitri's retreating form.]

Wherever I want, huh? Sounds like you will be going holiday shopping with me all through Violet tomorrow. And you have to carry all of my bags.

[bestswordmaster]

[Is Sylvain...blushing? Sylvain? Felix is pretty sure he's never seen that before--at least, not since before the academy. And...he did that. Not some girl, not Claude, Felix.

And then Sylvain opens his mouth again and Felix snorts, rolling his eyes.] Don't push your luck. The only thing I'll be carrying is the burden of embarrassment over your spending habits.

Though there is something I wanted to find, as well, while we're out. [Knowing Dimitri's probably still listening, he doesn't explain further.]

[gautsome]

Just as long as you don't try shopping for my gift. I want to be surprised.

[Sylvain's shoulders loosen. The weight that he's held there, not just since the days spent in the woods, but before that, shakes free finally. There isn't a definitive answer to anything -- what they are, if not best friends, still remains vague. But it's a step in the right direction. Sylvain knows now that he's not alone in his feelings.

He breathes out, smiling warmly as he does.]

I'll see you soon, Felix. [And, like he's always said to Dimitri -- ] Don't miss me too much.

[bestswordmaster]

Bold of you to assume you're getting a gift. Or that I'll miss you.

[But he's smirking, and clearly not serious. The uncertainty lingers, and he doesn't like it, but...it's like Claude said, he supposes. They'll figure it out together.]

Just hurry up and get back here.

[gautsome]

Hurtful! And here I was thinking real hard about what kind of gift I could get you. Guess I'll forget whatever ideas I have.

[For all intents and purposes, he should end the conversation there. But Sylvain... always knows how to put his foot in his mouth. Or in this case, his hand. And the hand is only going up to his mouth and --

He blows Felix a kiss, a little too much cheese and silliness to be too serious but. Judging by the still lingering flush on his cheek, it's probably more serious than the usual efforts he gives.

In any case, the video clicks off after that.]

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix has no idea what to do with that, and is still looking at the screen with confusion and embarrassment and a hint of alarm when the screen goes blank. He mutters 'you idiot' at it fondly, then pockets the Gear and starts back in on training with his team.]