[The honest answer is no. No, he doesn't really think Sylvain would do that--not to him. Not after everything they've been through together. But he couldn't think of another explanation for why...why Sylvain would treat losing Dimitri's attention as the same as losing Felix. Why else would that be, unless--?
But Sylvain provides the explanation in the fragile silence that falls, and Felix feels like he suddenly swallowed an ice cube whole. His eyes widen, his breath catches; he feels a little dizzy. So he was right. Sylvain does love Dimitri, and Felix thinks he should be heartbroken. Angry. Right? This should sound like complete nonsense.
But it doesn't quite, because...he knows, deep down, that he's always loved Dimitri too. It felt different, and so he assumed it must be something else--but when he thinks about Dimitri holding him close in the snow, he can't truthfully claim otherwise.
He doesn't move, but he does respond. His voice is smaller and more uncertain than he would have liked. A little choked.]
...no, Sylvain, I...I don't think you would do that. I'm sorry. I just thought...it doesn't matter what I thought.
[He doesn't want to face Sylvain. Eye contact is hard enough at the best of times; now, when he's probably hurt Sylvain more than he ever did even in his most spiteful moments? He thinks he really might actually cry if he has to see that in those warm brown eyes.
But Sylvain deserves better than that. So he takes in a shaky breath and steels himself, before he turns around, even if he can only maintain eye contact for a second before he's looking down.]
And it isn't. Hard to believe. That's not hard to believe because I think...I think I'm the same.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2021-01-02 07:37 pm (UTC)But Sylvain provides the explanation in the fragile silence that falls, and Felix feels like he suddenly swallowed an ice cube whole. His eyes widen, his breath catches; he feels a little dizzy. So he was right. Sylvain does love Dimitri, and Felix thinks he should be heartbroken. Angry. Right? This should sound like complete nonsense.
But it doesn't quite, because...he knows, deep down, that he's always loved Dimitri too. It felt different, and so he assumed it must be something else--but when he thinks about Dimitri holding him close in the snow, he can't truthfully claim otherwise.
He doesn't move, but he does respond. His voice is smaller and more uncertain than he would have liked. A little choked.]
...no, Sylvain, I...I don't think you would do that. I'm sorry. I just thought...it doesn't matter what I thought.
[He doesn't want to face Sylvain. Eye contact is hard enough at the best of times; now, when he's probably hurt Sylvain more than he ever did even in his most spiteful moments? He thinks he really might actually cry if he has to see that in those warm brown eyes.
But Sylvain deserves better than that. So he takes in a shaky breath and steels himself, before he turns around, even if he can only maintain eye contact for a second before he's looking down.]
And it isn't. Hard to believe. That's not hard to believe because I think...I think I'm the same.