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[bestswordmaster]

Sylvain said I needed to record something to tell you to leave a message, even though if you're bothering to message me in the first place you already know what you're supposed to do, so this is pointless. So...leave a message, I guess. Maybe I'll get back to you. Maybe I won't.

[beep]

Comments

[gautsome]

I didn't say that, Felix.

[Is this how it feels, to constantly deal with his own self-doubt. He's starting to understand why Felix seemed so frustrated about it. He doesn't know how many times he can insist that Felix is enough when --

When really, Sylvain isn't giving him any reason to believe that.

He bows his head, breathing out a low sigh.]

I am happy with just you. I would be. But that doesn't change how I feel. And trying to use you to fill that gap isn't fair. [He breathes out, air quivering even as he tries.]

People are... some people have multiple partners, that's normal. But if that is not what you want then... That's that. I love you, Felix. Loved you first. That won't change.

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix only truly hears the last part first, and the second he feels the pressure behind his eyes start to become more of a real sting, he leans forward to wrap his arms tightly around Sylvain and hide his face, with a whisper.]

I love you, too.

[It takes a few seconds of clinging like a pathetic child to Sylvain before Felix fully parses the other things he heard. He pulls back again, eyes narrowed in confusion.]

Wait. What are you talking about? What's normal?

[gautsome]

[Sylvain doesn't need to see Felix's face to know what's happening. It nearly threatens to crumble his heart into pieces. He feels so ashamed for bringing any of this up, for allowing himself to have feelings for anyone else but Felix.

As a child, he'd made vague threats toward those who would make Felix cry. He supposed it was time to turn those threats around on himself.]

Normal to... Be with more than one person. They can have a boyfriend and a girlfriend and love them both the same, I guess.

[bestswordmaster]

What? I've never heard of such a thing.

[Felix doesn't know what to think about this idea, if it's really true--and Sylvain said he'd never lie to him, so it must be. He feels like he's teetering on the edge of feeling anything at all, as though the gentlest breeze could push him one way or another. He tries not to think about the way Dimitri looked at him, that day in the snow.]

That's why you wanted to tell Dimitri. But...he could just as easily not feel the same way. Or worse, only feel that way about one of us.

[gautsome]

Then... That's okay. Nothing happens. We still have each other, and we don't have to question how he feels.

[He does hesitate for a moment, at the second doubt Felix has. He closes his eyes tightly, nuzzling into his partner's shoulder. His fingers work soothing circles into his back.]

If he doesn't feel that way about me though, then... You shouldn't let that stop you. We don't have to be together, all three of us. I just want you to be happy.

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix brings a hand up to idly card through Sylvain's hair almost automatically. He hates the path his mind is starting to take, but he can't stop it--other Fraldariuses have already sacrificed on Dimitri's behalf, Felix doesn't want to be one of them. He doesn't want to...to share, if it means having to watch Sylvain with Dimitri and knowing that he isn't welcome there with them. And yet...well, he's no coward.]

That's my line. I want you to be happy. But you're right. Speculation gets us nowhere. The only way to resolve this is to tell him, and deal with the consequences.

[gautsome]

I am happy. [Sylvain's voice is insistent. He peeks up, staring up at Felix. When that doesn't feel like enough, he reaches up to hold his face. His fingers move delicately over the skin of his cheeks, sighing as he does.]

I know it doesn't sound like it. But I am. [He leans up, pressing their foreheads together. He takes the time to breathe in, to enjoy every single thing Felix had to offer.]

If you want, we can wait. I know there are still plenty of things that you and I have not done together yet. I... Would rather put you first before adding anyone else in.

[bestswordmaster]

[The reassurance helps more than Felix expected it to, and he closes his eyes.]

I'm...happy, too. With you.

[And he keeps his eyes closed as Sylvain goes on, because he doesn't quite trust that they wouldn't be shimmering just a little if he opened them. Dammit, he hasn't done this in years, what is Sylvain doing to him? He flushes a little.]

All right. We'll wait. ...thank you.

[gautsome]

Of course, Felix. I... really would do just about anything for you.

[He rests his hands on Felix's cheeks, thumbing at the skin above the bone carefully. One hand eventually trails back into his hair, smoothing it over where he can and playing with whatever loose ends he could get at.

Would he mourn the loss, if Dimitri said he wasn't interested? Absolutely. But Sylvain was perfectly happy with this. He wasn't joking, wasn't lying when he said he loved Felix, would die by his side. That would never change.]

Can I ask one more question? And you have to promise not to laugh or get upset.

[bestswordmaster]

[Just the slightest bit of wetness comes away on Sylvain's thumbs, even with Felix's eyes still closed. Can Sylvain really love him that much? And if so, how foolish Felix has been, doubting him.]

Just...make sure that doesn't include dying for me.

[He finally opens his eyes, blessedly dry once more, just in time to give Sylvain a bit of a suspicious look.]

All right. What is it?

[gautsome]

Mm. Promise. Only living for you.

[Sylvain doesn't commend on the wetness. He does, however, crane his head so that his lips press to a wet cheek. It's soft, gentle, and Sylvain is doing his damndest to put every ounce of love and affection into it.]

Just... Look. We're dating right? You're my... boyfriend? We're official and all? [His following laugh sounds a little breathless.] I didn't want to put a label on it because I didn't want to make you nervous, but now I'm thinking that's the wrong way to go. And everyone else calls you my boyfriend so.

That's what we are, right? And I'm just being your fool again?

[bestswordmaster]

[Flames, if Sylvain gets any softer, Felix thinks he might just die. He's so used to bottling up his emotions and shoving them back behind walls that having Sylvain smash those walls down like this is overwhelming. He's got to pull it together.

It gets easier once Sylvain asks his question. Felix did promise not to laugh, but he didn't promise not to smile in relieved amusement.]

Yes, Sylvain. We're...official. And you are my fool, but obviously I'm yours as well.

[gautsome]

Okay. Your fool. Foolish fools together. Got it.

[Since he's still hovering in Felix's face, this seems like the opportune time to steal a kiss. It's... pretty timid, actually -- soft and fleeting. When he pulls back, though, he's wearing a sweet smile. Most of all, he seems relieved.]

You're perfect, Felix. Just like this.

[bestswordmaster]

[Felix returns the kiss in kind, even if he does wish it had lasted longer. He's...better at expressing himself with actions than words, and he's swiftly approaching the threshold of too many words.

...and then Sylvain pushes him right over that threshold with this...this obviously untrue statement that nonetheless he must believe, if he's saying it. Especially saying it like that. It takes a few seconds for Felix to find his voice; when he does, it's soft despite the words.]

Shut up. You can't just say things like that. No more talking. Kiss me instead.

[gautsome]

[Sylvain laughs, soft though it sounds. His thumb sweeps over Felix's cheek once more, not quite moving in for the kiss. He spends some time studying the man. His best friend. His boyfriend. A crooked smile lingers on Sylvain's face, complemented delightfully by the flush of his cheeks.]

Okay, okay. [He closes the distance between them once more, mouth gentle against Felix's. He pours every ounce of adoration into the kiss, hoping that Felix understands that he's not just saying it. He loves Felix, and he does think he's perfect.]